All the horror of holidays guide

Following the staggering response to the last amazing offer of signed prints we now offer a unique set of Heath Memorabilia each signed and numbered by the Rt. Hon. Edward Heath , M .B.E. , M .P., Statesman , yachtsman and salesman

My earliest memory of a surburban childhood was Great-Grandmother flossie's funeral She was a real "character" in Bromley, which was then called. (My family are the Sackville-Wests of the semi-dets. We have been living in almost as long as they down the road at, as Knole Park is now known.)

You're only twenty minutes out of town and heading for the beach when the road, contradicting the map, stops.
 After some tentative sign language with the passing stranger you're directed down asteep and most unlikely-looking track.

The fabled Opium Route which winds through the forested hills of northern Burma has changed little since Marco Polo, overtaking an ox on a hump-backed bridge, was involved in one of history's first recorded traffic accidents. The road, poor then, is even worse today, and attempts by successive administrations to carry out improvements have been fiercely resisted by the warlords and bandits whose territory it passes through. The installation of traffic lights several years ago at a spot where subsidence had caused it to fall into a coal mine provoked the heaviest artillery barrage seen in the area since the Japanese Fourth Infantry tried to steal General Slim's Morris Camper. But for the hardy traveller with a keen sense of adventure it ofîers a unique holiday, and a chance to acquire some unusual souvenirs and one or two wounds as well. Applicants for guided tours should -be inoculated against blackwater fever, and carry adequate supplies of blood plasma and snake-bite serum.

There are countless opportunities, both at home and abroad, for activity holidays which, for a marginally greater expenditure, ofTer an endless range of "high season" event- orientated attractions and the chance of turning a routine vacation into a memorable one.